Round 2.

Hi.

I've been delaying writing this blog for awhile now, half of the reason being I just don't know where to start. These past three weeks have been difficult and very busy.

Ryan and I spent the two weeks after discharge (from having Emma) bouncing back and forth between the Hope Lodge and the NICU.  The Hope Lodge is an amazing place for cancer patients to stay while receiving treatment and is located right by Penn Station. Its run entirely on donations through the American Cancer Society and was such a huge help while we were running back and forth. We're so grateful for the opportunity to stay there, it definitely made the commute to the hospital much easier and we got to spend more time with Emma :).

Last week we were able to go to the blood drive that my mom and aunt had set up in my honor. We were blown away by the amount of people that showed up to donate, over 80 people! They said that a good turnout is usually around 50, so we did really well! Of all the blood collected, it was enough to help over 300 hundred lives, awesome! Thank you to all who came, it was so nice to see everyone and to meet some new faces!

Emma is beautiful and has been doing so great throughout her time in the NICU. She has been moved to a step down floor last week which means she's doing well, and is basically just there to grow a little bit more. She's been moved to a crib from the incubator already and is in line to be discharged as early as next week. She's a little NICU rockstar!

As parents its really hard to not have her with us 24/7. I trust the nurses and doctors are taking caring of her well-being, but I'm always worried about her happiness and like to know that she's being constantly loved and supported. If it were possible, I would be there around the clock with her in my arms. The amount of love I have for that little peanut is indescribable.

As of now, I'm back in the hospital for round two of chemo. As hard as it was to come back here, its been going pretty well. I was greeted with warm welcomes from all of my nurses and doctors and that made things a lot easier. I've been saying it since day one, these are such special people. As hard as it is to organize logistical things such as travel in and out of here from home, I know this was the absolute best choice we could have made to be at this hospital.  They go above and beyond to make things happen and we couldn't be more grateful. Since being admitted I have been able to go and see Emma everyday!

Overall, this round of chemo is different from the first one. There are two bags of a higher dose that run for three hours at a time with 12 hours in between. They run every other day and go over 5 days. There are special eye drops that have to go into my eyes every few hours to help protect them from damage. I also have to sign my name on a piece of paper before every dose. The high dose chemo can mess with your brain and its a way to make sure things are functioning properly. Crazy! Once my blood counts drop, I will be neutropenic and have no ability to fight infection. It is still up in the air if I will be staying in the hospital this time. Right now we're in the process of looking for either an apartment or hotel close by for Ryan and Emma so they can either be close to me, or I can join them while my counts go back up. I of course want to go home with my family. It breaks my heart that I can't go home with her and I can't help but think about how much I'm going to miss in her life.

Things are still looking up for the stem cell transplant next month. I was able to see my brother last week and while its still a super serious procedure, we're able to shed some light and joke around a little bit. He's doing well and taking care of OUR immune system :) I still find it so crazy that I'm going to have his immune system. Once I actually get the stem cells, they say that I get a new birthday. My brother is giving me the best new birthday present ever- a second chance at life!

As of now, Ryan and I are just trying to navigate through this process the best way we can. While we really try our best to stay positive, we're slowly finding that its being chipped away. The situation is frustrating, and we're trying not to let the small things bother us, but sometimes they do. The last thing I want is to become bitter and angry at life, because that's not what its about. I just feel lucky that Ryan and I are working together as a team, and now he has another little woman wrapped around his finger :)

As always, thank you for all of the continued love and support.

Kristin