Its been awhile since I've updated this blog. Honestly, this recovery process has been so hard and I haven't wanted to do anything or write about anything. Also, I like to keep these blogs positive, and when I don't feel that way, its hard to write.
I've had a lot of time on my hands. I've been so lucky that my mom has come to live with us during the week while Ryan's at work to help out. She cooks all of the meals since I can't eat out, cleans everything, does the laundry and helps tremendously with Emma. I have a great mama!
Overall I've kind of been down in the dumps throughout this whole recovery process. As part of the transplant process you are required to see a psychiatrist before and during treatment. I joked with her on the first meeting and said, "do we have to meet because this is going to mess me up?" she said no, but I think I was right. I came to the realization a few weeks after being home that I kind of needed someone to talk to who understands what I'm going through, so I continue to still see her once a week.
I think a lot of my unhappiness is stemming from being home all of the time and having too much time on my hands. For the past 7 months there was no time to sit and think about what was happening, I just had to do it. Now, there are so many things I can't do while in recovery that I just sit and think about how crazy this situation really was and some of the very difficult things we had to go through. I also get upset at the amount of limitations I have on my life at the moment and am just craving a tiny bit of normalcy.
For this recovery, I am on a LOT of medication. Many of them are prophylaxis' which are used to help prevent an infection, but one of the most important ones is used to suppress my immune system to keep the new cells from attacking my body. This particular medicine can lower the magnesium in the body, which helps muscles and a few other things, so I have to do an IV infusion at home everyday, which takes about 4 hours. I have a nurse that comes to the apartment every week to change the picc line bandage and I get all of the magnesium and supplies delivered weekly. I have to say its super weird to walk around your apartment with an IV pole.
Since I have a suppressed immune system, I have to be very careful about getting sick. My body does not yet have the immune system to fight any infections, plus if I got sick, the new cells can take advantage and attack organs. So I basically have to be very careful. The only times I can leave the house are to go on walks and to the doctor. Whenever I leave I have to wear a mask and gloves. I look so crazy, but if this is what I have to do, so be it. I'm not allowed to eat out or get take-out, everything has to be packaged or prepared at home to ensure cleanliness. For those who know me know this is the hardest! I am the Seamless Queen.
For the past week, I have been starting to feel a little bit better. I have been doing physical therapy and I think its helping to make me feel a little bit stronger, which is also helping my mood. I am starting to see a light at the end of the 100 days, which will hopefully lead to a continued few months of healing. At that 100 day mark, my medications will start being slowly tapered off and things will gradually start to feel a little more normal. I CAN'T WAIT!!
That's it for now. As always, thank you for the continued love and support through out this crazy journey.
Love,
Kristin
